Tod Drucker
If Only
Acrylic on canvas
Artist Statement
If Only was created as our five-year-old granddaughter, Mallory, battled diffuse midline glioma (DMG), an incurable pediatric brain cancer. In an instant, our family was pulled from the predictable rhythm of everyday life into a world measured by MRI scans, clinical trials, fleeting hope, and unimaginable heartbreak.
The painting unfolds in layers. Parallel vertical bands establish a sense of order and routine—the quiet confidence that tomorrow will look much like today. Soft, translucent circles drift beneath the surface, representing the ordinary obstacles we encounter throughout life, challenges we expect to overcome with resilience and time.
Then everything changes.
Black gestural marks slash, splatter, and wander across the composition, disrupting its structure. They represent the randomness of catastrophe and the cruel indifference of disease. Childhood cancer does not ask permission, nor does it distinguish between families. It simply interrupts lives already in progress.
The repeated words IF ONLY become both image and voice. Their shifting scale, irregular spacing, and evolving intensity mirror the emotional landscape of every family searching for one more possibility.
If only there were another treatment.
If only this clinical trial accepted one more child.
If only the next medication worked.
If only someone had discovered the breakthrough in time.
The white tears that descend along the right edge acknowledge grief, but they also suggest endurance. Even in sorrow, families continue searching, believing, hoping, and loving.
Today, Mallory is receiving hospice care. While this painting began as a deeply personal response to our family's journey, it ultimately speaks for countless families whose lives have been forever altered by cancer. It is also a tribute to the physicians, nurses, researchers, and scientists whose work transforms if only into what if—the question that leads to every discovery.
Every advance in cancer research begins with someone refusing to accept that "incurable" is the final word.
If Only encourages a conversation, inspires a researcher, comforts another family, or reminds even one person why the pursuit of better treatments matters, then the painting has fulfilled its purpose.
52 Views of Cancer
52 Views of Cancer is a deck of playing cards illustrated by people who know cancer firsthand. Each of the 52 cards carries original artwork by a different cancer patient, survivor, or immediate family member, each with their own view of the disease.
The artwork comes first. We're bringing the deck to major scientific and medical conferences and putting these artists' work directly into the hands of the researchers and clinicians working on the cancers they've faced.
Learn more about Invenra’s efforts to fight cancer.
